Get out the tinfoil hat and prepare yourself for some of the wild and often preposterous theories that surround heavy metal and the music industry in general. Often if people don’t like something they come up with an alternative that reeks of desperation. In other cases these theories start as a joke that has gone on too long and way too far. Whatever the case, let’s dive into some of these beasts.
Here’s my Top 10 heavy metal conspiracy theories:
10 – Kurt Cobain – it would be hard to pick one conspiracy theory around the death of Cobain. People have never really dealt with the suicide of the Nirvana frontman and have concocted some very wild stories. My favorite has to be that his wife Courtney Love had Kurt killed for money. My only dispute to that is Love doesn’t appear smart enough to stage a murder and then cover it up. Just sayin’.
9 – Gary Holt vs Dave Mustaine – this one started as a joke on Metal Sucks directed at Dave Mustaine of Megadeth. Metal Sucks made a joke pertaining to a conspiracy theory that Gary Holt had Mustaine fired from Metallica so Holt’s gay lover Kirk Hammett could advance his career. It was an obvious joke but it gained some legs and still kicks around on lists such as this.
8 – Metal + Rap = Prison – many people have laid claim to starting the theory that Rap music was created to put violence in the African American population and fill the prisons. There is another distinct group that feels this is true but actually started with heavy metal. Apparently the government has violent music made to keep the prison industry alive and well. Really? Baffled?
7 – Andrew W.K – so the Andrew WK on 2001’s Get Wet is apparently not the same guy that tours as Andrew WK today. The theory goes that Andrew WK was created by a group of music insiders to fill the masses with mainstream heavy metal. Some people have even said that Andrew WK is actually the alter ego of Dave Grohl. Why? Cause they both have beards?
6 – Reptoids – my absolute favorite. If you simply Google “reptoids” in music you will find reams of information on a super intelligent group of reptile like creatures that pose as musicians and rule the industry. High On Fire has actually written a song about this called “Cyclopian Scape.” I’ve been to a lot of live shows and the only lizards I’ve seen have been at the bars.
5 – Ace Frehley In Space – many people when KISS was rising to fame started saying Ace was actually kidnapped by aliens and given his “spaceman” persona. This was fear based. However Ace didn’t help this when in early 2000 he talked about remembering being abducted by aliens. Sorry Ace! The only guy that abducted you was Tommy Thayer.
4 – Jimmy Page – this nut speech could include Page, Bonham, Jones, and Plant. The theory has gone around that members of Led Zeppelin sold their souls to the devil for the talent and fame they had. Some people took it too far and said Bonham was killed when he tried to renege on the deal. Once again this was fear based early in the life of heavy metal, but why do they keep spreading this shit?
3 – Iron Butterfly – as you can tell I’m not much of a conspiracy guy, but this one concerning the disappearance and murder/suicide of Iron Butterfly’s Phil Taylor makes me wonder. Taylor in his spare time away from the band was an aerospace engineer and apparently on the verge of a major breakthrough. Before that breakthrough came to fruition Taylor went missing, but not before a 911 call was made from him saying he was in trouble. He was found in the bottom of a river 4 years later. No one can explain to this day what really happened.
2 – Druidic Rhythms – this harkens back to the term “devil music” that is always associated with metal. Apparently all metal is based on ancient “druidic rhythms” that lay the groundwork for mind control. Once the rhythm has you violence takes over. In the case of Glam I guess the stripping would take over.
1 – Illuminati – I’m not going to talk a lot about the #1 on the list which may seem weird. The truth is, the amount of information you can find on Illuminati in the music industry is overwhelming. Check some of the jibberish out and be thankful you’re a metal fan.
I’m building a tinfoil hat as we speak! ~ Martell
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